Parenting teenagers, and pre-teen takes stamina. As children grow, they need us differently: sometimes more intensely, sometimes more distantly, and often both in the same day. Here are ways to keep your energy topped up.
Prioritise Your Sleep (Yes, Yours!)
We often emphasise sleep for young people, but how often do we take our own advice? Poor sleep affects decision-making, resilience and patience, qualities we need as parents.
Create a calming wind-down routine, put devices away before bed and keep a consistent sleep schedule. Modelling good sleep habits is a powerful parenting tool.
Challenge Your Parenting Thinking Traps
Our energy is often more drained by the thoughts and stories we make up about our young person’s actions than by the actions themselves.
Notice catastrophising (“If they fail, they’ll never succeed”), mind-reading (“They haven’t replied, so they must be hiding something”) and all-or-nothing thinking (“I’m failing as a parent”).
Pause and ask: Is this thought helpful or harmful? What else might be true in this situation?
Set Boundaries That Benefit Everyone
Boundaries protect parents and caregivers too. Set boundaries with your teen or pre-teen when you are both calm and connected. Then, when you have to activate them try calm, compassionate statements such as: “Let me think about it and come back to you,” or “I can see you’re upset, but we need respectful communication to continue.” Each boundary models respect and self-care while preserving your energy.
Build Meaningful Moments of Connection
It’s tempting to pull back to reduce the friction, but we all need connection and deep connection is super recharging. Find activities that replenish you both—a walk, cooking together or a quiet drive. Small moments build emotional reserves for tougher times.
Remember: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint
Parenting through the pre-teen and teen years is a long-haul journey. Pace yourself and take guilt-free breaks. Your effectiveness is not measured by constant availability, but by sustainable presence. Looking after your energy helps you be there for the moments that matter.
Whānau Support Group – Term 4 2026
Our Whānau Support Group is returning on 15 October, 29 October and 19 November 2026. All parents and caregivers are encouraged to attend, and parents of pre-teens are warmly welcomed too. Book your place here.
Ali McCormick, Communication and Behaviour Change Specialist
Ali McCormick is an experienced coach, educator and positive psychology practitioner, with a professional background in teaching and speech-language therapy. With more than 30 years’ experience supporting parents, young people and leaders, Ali brings a practical, compassionate and client-centred approach to creating meaningful change.
For more information, visit.